Memories of a Smile, living for a Dream
by Akal-Saris
Summary: Kitsune realizes the truth about her life, her love, and, most importantly - friendship.


Okay, it's been a long time since I wrote anything remotely serious, but this is as depressing as I get, okay?? A warning: for any readers who consider Kitsune nothing more than a boozed-up slut, I suggest you leave. Now. Okay, got that settled. This entire fiction takes place during episode 24, which, coincidentally, is also one of my all-time favorite episodes of ANY series. It includes two scenes from the anime that were rewritten slightly. I hope you all enjoy this story and give Kitsune some serious thought. Maybe she's not as two-dimensional as she first appears. (Oh, and please R&R…without reviews, I won't know what you people like!!!)  
  
  
  
Part 1  
  
  
  
I sighed as I looked down from the balcony. The streets below were teaming with activity, and cheerful greetings rang through the air as the residents went about their daily lives. I found myself smiling until I looked directly down. Sitting outside, two young lovers were laughing and snuggling as they discussed the life that lay ahead of them. I caught small bits and pieces of their conversation from my perch.  
  
"Yes, Toudai…"  
  
"Archaeology?"  
  
"Mm. Don't worry, I'll always…" I strained to hear his words, but only caught the girl's murmured reply.  
  
"…Dreams…"  
  
I closed the window and drew the drapes, inexplicably drained. Not physically so much as emotionally. There were times when I felt completely alone. Surrounded by friends, yet unloved. That's why I'm always around people and butting into their affairs. If I don't have company, I get depressed. And when I'm depressed, I drink. I don't drink because I like the taste of sake; perhaps I once did. Now I have a different reason.  
  
I drink to soothe the pain.  
  
I never had problems in school. I was popular, teachers loved it when I flirted, and life was good. Heck, I even thought I had a chance with one teacher. He was my favorite. Out of all my teachers, he alone never noticed I was flirting, yet whenever he saw me his face lit up with the most wonderful smile. For four years, I lived for that smile.  
  
He left, and I began to drink.  
  
That's when life began to go downhill. Drinking quickly became the only way I could face myself in the mirror each morning. No job, no home, no man, no future. I took up gambling as an easy way to make money, so I could buy more sake. Naru was a big help then. Even when I dropped out she remained my friend, and I could always count on her for a loan when I needed it. It wasn't until I moved to Hinata Inn and the first new tenant arrived that I finally recovered from the loss of that smile.  
  
The new tenant challenged me to a duel.  
  
Even now, the memory brings a smile to my face.  
  
"Konno Mitsune! Your sinful living won't go unpunished! If you win, you may drink to your heart's content and gamble your life away! But should I win, you will go on a strict warrior regime of exercise and vinegar!!"  
  
She won. I'm still grateful for that.  
  
The diet knocked some sense into me, and I stopped drinking to excess. I felt better after that month of exercise than I had in months. For a long time, I forgot about my high school crush. Distractions abounded. I moved to Hinata Inn, and then new tenants arrived, as well as a temporary manager. For a while it was like college again, surrounded by friends and planning mischief. It was like heaven. No, not quite…it was like...like…  
  
It was like being in a dream.  
  
Even when Haruka received a letter from him about his travels, I still didn't truly remember the loneliness. The man I remembered, hooking up with some foreign blond in California? Hah, impossible. Then I saw him arrive in the same rickety old van he used to drive when he tutored me, and my heart almost broke. He was the same as I always remembered: long white coat whipping in the wind, one hand holding a tub of laundry. And always a cheerful smile, as if he had once looked deep into the core of the world, and knew some deep truth you didn't.  
  
As if he knew the answer to happiness.  
  
For a while, I tried to make him realize that I still liked him. I hinted that I'd love to go with him on his next dig, and took care of Sara for him when he traveled. Eventually, though, I realized his heart was with Haruka. What he sees in her, I'll never know. She's got a raspy voice, she's past her prime, and has seriously violent tendencies.  
  
I should've spoken all those years ago.  
  
When Naru told me of her crush, I thought the best thing would have been to let go of my feelings, and sacrifice them for my best friend. Even when I knew Seta didn't love her, keeping silent was easier than admitting my own feelings. Now look at what's happened: she's found somebody who truly loves her, and I'm still alone. Isn't life great?  
  
"Oi, Kitsune. Why the long face?" I glanced over to Haruka. How ironic. She's my only rival to his heart, yet we're good friends. She probably doesn't even realize how miserable she makes me sometimes.  
  
"Oh, nothing. I was just worried about Keitaro, that's all. He's out of a job now, remember?" Haruka shook her head and opened the windows again.  
  
"Kitsune. You were thinking of Seta, weren't you?" I gulped. During all the years I'd known Haruka, she'd never once mentioned she had the slightest clue about my love.  
  
"Haha, why would I think of him? I'm sure he's fine, off with Sara right now…" Haruka silently lit a cigarette.  
  
"You know, when he's alone and lonely, he never thinks of you, Kitsune." I felt a sudden pain in my heart. How the hell would Haruka know what Seta thinks? I choked off a caustic reply and started to leave. Haruka's voice reached me as I crossed the threshold.  
  
"But then again…he never thinks of me either." I stopped.  
  
"You mean you don't think he likes you either?" Haruka nodded and stared down at the streets, holding her cigarette. Not smoking, she was just…holding it.  
  
"Yeah. I asked him. He just smiled and said how he was glad that he had such concerned friends. That's when I realized something about him." I was now intrigued and intimidated. Haruka never, I mean *never*, spoke her mind unless she thought it was vital.  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"His work will always come first. That's why we broke up, because I couldn't stand how he would rather dig than spend time with me. It's the same with Sara and you. I know you've had a secret crush on Seta for years, but its time to give that up." I felt my face turn red. So this is how Naru feels when I tease her!  
  
"Ho-how'd you know? I mean, I'm not saying I *have* a crush on him, but had. Yes, that's it. I used to have a crush on him, a l-long time ago…" God, I sound pathetic.  
  
Haruka glanced at her untouched cigarette deliberately.  
  
"Kitsune, there are good lies and there are bad lies. This started as a good lie. After all these years…is it still a good thing?" Haruka stamped out her cigarette and lit another.  
  
A long pause followed Haruka's murmured statement. We stood there watching the street for a long while. Kentaro arrived and flashed me his most winning smile. I let my gaze settle on a selection of kitchen knives, and he got the hint. Shortly afterwards, Shinobu arrived to make her plea on Keitaro's behalf. I listened, feeling strangely detached from what she was saying.  
  
"I was able to live at Hinata Inn because of Urashima-sempai, and ever since then I…I…" Come on kid, spit it out. Show your stuff. Don't be like me and hide your feelings behind the mask of friendship.  
  
"I want to do something for sempai too!!" Poor Shinobu…doesn't she realize her "Urashima-sempai" doesn't love her? I suppose not…she reminds me of myself when I was her age. So carefree, imagining that as long as she was close to the man she loved, she would always be happy. Maybe it would be better if Keitaro didn't come back, so Shinobu wouldn't have to face the inevitable pain when he chooses Naru over her.  
  
"Sorry, Shinobu…that would be butting in." I feel like such a heel. The hurt look on Shinobu's eyes haunts me still. Kentaro surprised me then. He offered to help Keitaro and Naru sort their feelings out.  
  
I watched him leave in that ridiculous suit, and wondered why he did it. I've known Kentaro since high school, and he's usually a stuck-up jerk. Hell, even when he told me Su and Sara were trapped on that island, he insisted on payment. Then that sleazeball suggested an *alternate* form of payment…  
  
"Oi, Kitsune…trying to think of Kentaro's good side?" I smiled suddenly. It had been so long since I'd thought of anyone but Seta that the change was surprisingly good.  
  
"You gotta admit, he's pretty easily manipulated. All Su had to do to get Kentaro into that suit was say she'd tell Amalla he did it." Haruka shrugged.  
  
"I think he's doing it because he's Naru's friend. So… does this means you've given up on lying for now?" I opened my eyes and nodded.  
  
"Yeah. Lying isn't the way to be a good friend." Haruka nodded and took a long drag of her cigarette before sighing contentedly.  
  
"So, Kitsune…what is the way, then?" I grabbed my purse.  
  
"Helping them with their problems, not just staying out of them! Ja!" I started walking purposefully towards the train station. It was time I spoke with my best friend.  
  
  
  
Pt 2  
  
I tried to rehearse what I would say as I walked. Every time I tried, my mind completely blanked on me. I arrived at the end of Naru's street when I felt my reserve melt. Bringing up a conversation we'd had years ago…was I mad? What right did I have to interfere with her life? Looking up, I saw something that helped me make my decision.  
  
A single tear streaked down Shinobu's face.  
  
I walked up and gently squeezed her shoulder.  
  
"Leave it to me. Go back home to the Inn." Whatever doubts I had about coming were erased by the joy in Shinobu's eyes, and the spring in her step as she skipped away.  
  
I looked up at Naru. She seemed confused and almost scared by my arrival. Leaning back, I called out.  
  
"Naru, I've had something I've been regretting…" I looked away, unable to meet Naru's stare.  
  
"I had a guy I liked a little…" Dammit Konno Mitsune, don't you start lying again!  
  
"Um, no, a lot actually…" Okay, now comes the hard part. Nice and easy, Konno, your doing this for yourself and her…  
  
"…But a good friend of mine confessed her love before me…" For a moment, I choked. I couldn't find the words to express my hurt. Best to just explain it how it happened.  
  
"At that time, I thought I was okay with it…and that if I was honest, that guy and my good friend would have been troubled." There! I had admitted it! I suddenly felt an unbelievable sense of relief.  
  
His smile…what had it been like? I don't remember…  
  
"But that's why…you should be more honest!" Inside, I wanted to scream out that if she didn't, she'd wind up like me: lonely and jobless, drinking to ease the pain. But I didn't. Instead, I merely whispered my next thoughts.  
  
"Naru…I learned this the hard way…lying is never a good thing. You…if you want to fulfill your promise, you have to…life for yourself…" I blushed at the realization I'd never before admitted anything, ANYTHING, about my feelings like that before!  
  
"I said something embarrassing, now it's your turn! How do you feel about Keitaro?" Naru turned and ran out of sight, but then I heard the back door slam. Her sister walked to the window and smiled.  
  
I had done the right thing.  
  
I walked home, feeling as if I had been in a dream since the day I arrived at Hinata Inn. But…was that such a bad thing? If you live a dream every day, isn't the dream truly a reality? I felt my feet carry me, and I did not resist. When I stopped, I looked up at Hinata Inn, looming protectively over me.  
  
Hinata Inn is a magical place: a place of dreams. But…it isn't the broken floors Keitaro peeps through, or the thin walls I listen through, the secret passages Su roams, or even the hot springs. None of those things make it magical.  
  
It's friendship.  
  
  
  
**** The End. **** 


End file.
